Evidently, I'm supposed to introduce myself. Since the main point of doing so appears to be to prove that I am someone actually interested in the comic, and not just a spammer, I'll keep the personal details brief. I am a male sophomore in college, undeclared major. My interests include science and philosophy. I discovered Sluggy Freelance about a month ago and binge read it over the course of several days. It is now my favorite webcomic.

Okay, now to the part that might actually interest the coyote who "deletes spammers with extreme prejudice." While my name should be evidence enough that i actually read the comic, since it is a combination of two Sluggy tropes, I will provide more evidence.

"I look(ed) like a flower!"
"My world is a crotch!"
*ka-click*
The "Lady of the Book," in the Dimension of Lame for sure, and as of February 23, 2015, quite possibly in our dimension as well.
"Stay good!"
The destroyer.
"Nosce te ipsum."
"Lemme check my notes..."
The Sampire! Mostly dead as of June 5, 2013, all-the-way stolen as of March 5, 2015.
Sasha is a weird girl. And also a traitor.
"Boy I'm in a wacky mood today!"
This is Zoe. She's been turned into a camel (repeatedly), set on fire, rebuilt by nanites, and attacked by everything from zombie geeks to demon possessed to animals with criminal-mastermind-relative brains in them. She's also the normal one of the comic.

That should be sufficient to prove that i'm neither a spammer or a troll, but someone who is genuinely interested in the sluggyverse.

Well... I guess don't appear to be a spammer, since they wouldn't go to that extreme overkill in the proof department. A troll on the other hand...they would. But good thing for you we're only (currently) taking the spammers out back and shooting them.

Trolls get whipped instead. Though...trolls usually wouldn't of binged on the strip over a month before getting started...

Anyway, welcome to the forum Wacky person with too many moods. Now while you wait for the Terribly Sadistic Troll Sniffing Trilobites to slither on over and tell us if you have the stench of troll on you, something far worse may come around and "bug" you.

It's unknown if they can truly speak in complete paragraphs, but they will ooze out of the darkness and quietly sidle up to you and scream a single word at you. These are what we call the "Pesterers". Not much is know about why they do this, but we do know that if you give them some poetry, they may give you something like a "gift" in return. They type of poetry doesn't really matter --haiku is acceptable-- as long as it is an original composition by you and is acceptable for children to read.

As for the "gift"...it may or may not devour your thumbs. Or it may make you able to enslave an entire planet with your mind. Could be anything or nothing at all.

Lastly I must tell you that the tradition here is the Pesterers saying something to you, not the poetry. You are not required to do anything more to be one with the forum. Just be careful around the other members. They're all crazy.

Isn't a troll just a spammer who wants to tick people off? Or is the term "spammer" reserved for somebody who tries to advertise for something?


If they sniff trolls, I rather suspect that they're more masochistic than sadistic.


Any relation to the Harassers? Because if so, this is SOOOO not the board for me. I don't want to get run over by a train. Or blown up with a bazooka. Or be within a ten mile radius of Captain Hippity when he becomes Captain Clickity.


Thanks for the warning.
Haikus I can do. I think.
What kind of children?



I could always use an excuse to get me some bionic thumbs. But world conquering sounds like a marvelous plan B.


We're all mad here, eh? I'll fit right in.

Okay then...

Around here, a spammer is a thing that wants to advertise something.

The Terribly Sadistic Troll Sniffing Trilobites are sadistic because of what they do to the troll if they sniff out one. It's glorious to watch...or that might just be me.

Nobody know what a Pesterer is. Sometimes one of them might throw rocks.

What children you ask
Feral ones we raise in back
Fed raw spammer flesh

Since you responded before any Pesterer even started to ooze yet, I'll see what wonderful gift I can find for you in dimensional storage. Please wait... Here you go.... Your very own bionic brain to replace your current squishy one. As always, being a quality Emca product it comes with its own installer. It's even been upgraded to the current operating system of iWindroid. Just be careful, after installation, sometimes unexpectedly, blue rays of death may shoot out of one or both of your eyes occasionally.

Okay, that's good to know you're crazy as well. It's ones that don't admit it are the ones you have to be careful about when you vaporize them from orbit.

I think that qualified as a poem... I shall give you Rock 2.0, it is the new and improved version of my original rock, which still has not been returned to me...

anyway the updates that come with rock 2.0 are as follows.


more mass. Rock 2.0 has pi times the mass of rock. which means that rock 2.0 is infinite. if not a bit irrational.
Rock 2.0 has the ability to crack Google glass.
Rock 2.0 comes in a lovely shade of battleship gray
Rock 2.0's half life is twice as long as rock. A vast improvement.
Rock 2.0 protects against nanocytes. Not sure what those are, but they won't be bothering you.

It makes such a nice gift. And is still better than Log, by Blammo.

Ahh, haiku. A delicious little snack. I have for you a bottle of television. It's a bit dusty, but I'm pretty sure there are a couple dozen channels left. Primo stuff, top shelf HD. Try not to let it rot your brain.