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 Post Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 7:00 pm 
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Hello. A very long time ago, a friend of mine said, "Hey, this is funny, read it." And I did. And it was. But back then, I had a short attention span, so somewhere around Sam's-a-vampire I stopped. Then, recently, I remembered Sluggy, and I was bored, so I looked. Ooooo, archives! That was somewhere around Paper-Airplane papercraft day. Reading dilligently through the archives every day since, we have arrived at today, which shall henceforth be known as "I CAUGHT UP!!!one!" day. So, then I wanted to be able to say, "Wow, Pete is nifty!" with all the other people ('cause I'm a joiner like that). So, here is I.

*Taking a bow*

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 Post Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 9:44 pm 
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Don't forget arrows. Unless you're going to fiddle around with it, of course.

Btw; did you know that we have a little tradition of pestering newcomers for poetry around here? If not, now you do. We ask for something in the poem line, with no particular (detectable) bottom limits on quality or suggestions on type (beyond a brief mention of haiku). If we get a poem, we give gifts of various kinds. If not, we pester some more.

Got all that? Great. Oh, and pester. Double oh, and welcome to the board.

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 Post Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 9:57 pm 
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welcome to the board fellow sluggite!
The dead hand of tradition has been layed before you. We ask for poetry, you dont have to give it, but we do indeed ask for it and have a very low need of quality. You also recieve notional gifts once you give us poetry just to motivate you into doing so.
did I forget something? oh yea, pester.
I bid you adieu, and off a warm heartfelt pester

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 Post Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 11:15 pm 
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Welcome to the forums!

sung to the tune of The Tigger Song

The most wonderful thing about pester
I love to have fun pestering
If you don't give us a poem
We will never stop pestering
It's pester..pester..pester..pester....... where's the poetry?
The wonderful wonderful thing about pester is constant pestering.
It's constant pestering.

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 Post Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 12:07 am 
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Greetings, JustTheMastermind, and welcome to the Sluggy boards. Others have informed you of our Hoary Tradition, so I won't bother. That said, :Pester!:

have a nice day

--tll

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 Post Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 1:06 am 
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Hmmmm a poem... ok.

Would it be obscene
To suggest Jane should've eaten
Zoe's potatoes?


Do I get the prizes now? I pick what's behind the curtain, Monty!

P.S. Aren't you glad I decided not to go in the "There once was a bun from Nantucket" direction?

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 Post Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 1:21 am 
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poetry! and yes, jane should've eaten zoes potatos. or atleast sucked on them for a bit.
now that thats out of the way, notional gift time!

have a vial of concentrated chili oil, the kind that they use to make chili spicy. "Caution, a single drop per gallon of chili is more than enough to burn your tongue right off, do not drink the contents of the vial without serious dilution unless you intend to tape it and show it to us sluggites."

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 Post Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 3:20 am 
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Thank you! I shall take said chili oil with glee... and weaponize it! Hmm...

*tinker tinker tinker*

*tinker tinker*

*tinker*

Ta-da! Now, if you get in my way, I shall assault you with my chili oil gun of DOOOOOOOM. :bunbun:

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 Post Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 7:07 am 
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Vanquishing whole tribes of bland, institutional grade mexican food outlets with a single blast...

Erm...right. We seem to have a poem (and without that silly New England town being invoked); so it's gift time. Allow me to present you with an 8 hour box of powdered sleep (just add onion juice) and an Acme onion juicer; if you somehow can't use them, you can always regift it to someone with a baby for lots of brownie points. Juice onions or redeem points in good health.

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 Post Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 8:57 am 
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i gift you a anti-matter blowtorch
great for making flames for the people i gave anti-matter fire extinguishers

warning: blowtorch requires anti-matter matches to ignite sold separately

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 Post Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:54 pm 
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Hmm... what would powdered sleep with onion juice and chili oil be like. Mamma mia, that'sa spicey dream!

Do they sell anti-matter matches on e-bay, I wonder? Our local anti-matter emporium closed, thanks to under-cutting by WalMart. And of course, I refuse to buy anti-matter from Walmart!

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 Post Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 12:41 am 
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*Ding-A-Bing"

Ah, my Belated Poetry Detector by Emca has once again alerted me to some new poetry, that is (once again) two days old... Well, it appears that my second use of this detector shows that it is either working correctly, or it is completely fu... messed-up. Maybe I'll keep this detector around since its alert is pleasant and the detector hasn't (yet) tried to kill me...

Okay, enough about homicidal detector problems. It's gift time!

I see that you need some Anti-Matter matches. I'll see if I can find where some are stashed in Dimensional Storage... This may take a little time to find which room they are in... ... ... ... ... ... ... I've found the room, and the box of matches... That is an interesting box... It is only a cm square and about half a km long... It contains... one A-M match... Now that is a long stick... The side of the box says "The last match you will ever need/use" ... You know what, even though I went through all of the trouble to find this thing, I'm not going to give you the match after all. Because it will take forever to get this thing out of the box, when an Anti-Matter lighter would work just as well, but I'm not going to track down one for you...

Sooooo, I guess you get nothing from me then... Quit looking at me like that... Oh come on, stop that... FINE, I'll give you SOMETHING!...

...You get what ever is in this random box I picked... I contains a SAPMAD (Singularity Amplified Planetary Mining Anti-Matter Device)... Well, it does contain A-M, so maybe you can light you blowtorch after all... Hmm, it says that it only has a 0.8 gigaton yield... Wonder what that means... You may want to try lighting your blowtorch outside then, just to be on the safe side...

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 Post Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 12:56 am 
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Thanks for the poem. Please accept this automatic back patter for those moments when you are unnappreciated. It will judge your self esteem and if it is flagging, heres your pat on the back!

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 Post Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 4:56 am 
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Pest... drat it, I mean welcome to the boards. Since you've posted a poem that fits within our standards (as low as those are), you get a gift.

*Rummages around in his bag of holding*

What to give, what to give. Let's see, an antimatter bomb shelter... no it has issues when it meets up with regular matter, antimatter matches... no, all mine come from Wal*Mart (hey when you work there they give them to you for free), cheese dip for the chili oil... no it goes up in smoke when it hits chili oil that strong, ah here's something. I hereby give you antimatter tipped arrows to fight off attacks against the nifty (just be very careful where you aim that thing).

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 Post Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 4:39 pm 
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Well, well. I see it's time for gift giving. So. Here we are, a fourth-order volumetric zone of force to store all your anti-matter gifts in. Completely impervious to any known application of force. (Except of the fifth and sixth orders, of course, but who works with those?)

--tll

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