I got lost in the underground catacombs beneath a city for twenty years while searching for a 6 million dollar parrot. By the time I found my way out, my clothes had decayed into nothingness and I was wearing a rather finely tailored suit made entirely out of cobwebs and the remains of the enemies I had slain. It also just so happens that the exit to the catacombs came out through the basement an upscale restaurant where I used some of the gold I found to enjoy a lovely dinner with the owner of the restaurant. Incidentally, the owner was an attractive young noblewoman with a monocle and a rather familiar looking parrot...

One I had a few nights ago:

I was in combat, with some of ROTC classmates (don't ask why). I don't remember who we were fighting or why, but I do remember that someone was wounded and I had to go get the medic. The medic was, I-kid-you-not, George W. Bush, voice, mannerisms and everything. He insisted I call him 'sir' even though he wasn't president anymore and thus wasn't a part of my chain of command. When I told him this, he just became more adamant until finally I just shouted at him: "FINE, WE NEED A MEDIC, SIR!" Then, with him finally going to help my downed friend (we argued for like, ten freaking minutes!) I woke up. I'm not sure what's scarier, the fact that my subconscious was telling me to call George W. Bush sir, or the fact that I imagined him as a combat medic...

And another one, me and some college friends were going on a camping trip somewhere up in the mountains. I had stuffed an entire dinner roll in my mouth, for some odd reason, and a girl who was with us slipped into a stream and got stuck. (I don't know why, it was only like half a foot deep) So I reached down from the bank and tried to pull her out. Well, the odd thing was that I couldn't, and she kept splashing me in the face and made the dinner roll get all soggy, and eventually I had to spit it out, and only then did I manage to extricate her from the river. Shortly after that, we all wound up in some big metallic room with really shiny walls, and for some reason (this kept happening a lot) we were compelled to leave all of our things there. After I set my stuff down in a corner I left through the only door in the room to go exploring, and found out that we were on some sort of massive spacecraft with a huge window at the front looking out at the sun, which was way closer than normal. (If you've seen the movie Sunshine, it was a lot like that one room from the Icarus) When I went back to tell everyone we were on a spaceship, they gave me this weird 'no crap, Sherlock' looks and went about their business.

Then I woke up again.

was GWB the combat medic on the ship?

Ah, no.

Had a bit of an odd one that I really can't remember much of. What I do remember of it is pretty hilarious. For some reason, I'm flying with some other guys in a low flying plane armed with water balloons, and we're flying over my parent's house. For some reason my parents and my sister are outside on the drive getting a picture taken. For the hell of it, I launch a water balloon right at my sister... and absolutely drench her in water right as the picture was taken.

Last night I dreamed that I was in working in a pizzeria in Japan. The manager was yelling something at me, but I couldn't understand. Then a Japanese-American friend from high school showed up and translated. (I have no idea if she actually speaks Japanese, but she was the only person I knew was of Japanese descent, so I guess my brain just slotted her in to help me out.) Apparently the manager wasn't angry at me, he just had a harsh voice.

Had a bit of an dream sequence that's a pretty good representative of how... oddly my dreams flow together.

My family and I went camping (oddity one - we never have), and we were constantly being harried by gnolls (as in the fantasy monster). We were able to fend them off as nuisances (which was an entire dream sequence there - I vaguely recall something about building some underground tunnels, a barn full of farm implements...), but they were really being annoying, so my dad and I tried to go in to town to get some stuff to fend them off. Only way to get into town was through this rickety old iron bridge over a river, and the bridge turned out to be out. My dad and I talked about ways to get into town, with me suggesting building a hot air balloon, my dad agreeing that he could probably make it (which, knowing him, he probably could), then we both realized that the wind was blowing the wrong way to get into town.

Right at that point the dream apparently decided we figured something out, because we were in town heading back to the camp... but for some reason we were lying down forward facing on roller sleds. My dad was saying I should do some more jogging, and I was disagreeing (because I find jogging extremely, mindnumbingly boring), when the sleds started going the wrong way down hill into a tunnel. After a fun roller coaster ride, we ended up crashing at the bottom of a mine, incidentally breaking the screen of my smart phone. I wanted to stay and get my bearings, then head back up the tunnel (which was simple enough to do) but my father immediately started exploring the cave to the left and ran into a bear, at which point we both ran over some girders that the bear couldn't easily walk over to safety... only to run into some coyotes. The coyotes kept trying to come after us, and we kept throwing rocks to keep them away. Finally one got close enough to very nearly bite my dad, and at that point we retreated toward the way we'd originally come in.

From there we ended up going back into town, dropping by a bookstore. They had copies of the Ultimate Equipment Pathfinder RPG book, but couldn't sell them yet, so I was disappointed (it actually comes out soon IRL, so that's where that came from).

Then things went really wonky and I somehow got separated from my dad and ended up going through security to get to VIP seats for the Olympic games. For some reason as I walked through the security I was given a badge and went this way and that (for some reason they thought I was a German journalist), until I got to the point where they needed to access my smart phone to confirm my ID. I was then able to say (quite validly) that my smart phone was broken from an accident (remember the mine crash). After they discussed it for a bit, they let me through. From that point, I ended up taking a seat down in the section next to the US women's swim team, where I ended up talking to them about using computer graphics programs to analyze their swims to discover how they could swim faster.

It was right about then that I was woken up by maintenance coming through to my apartment.

The above is a pretty representative sample of how my dreams go - they tend to ramble all over the place, more or less making up the plot as they go along.

I dreamed that there was a sluggite get-together at a county fair. There was some sort of theatrical presentation that was disrupted - two of you were dressed up in elaborate bird costumes reminiscent of but not the same as Night Owl's getup from the Watchmen.

Standing next to an empty corral, the current judge of the flash fiction game handed out prizes for best stories in various categories. He recognized me by sight though we'd never met, addressing me as my screenname. He said I wrote the best story in the most recent round, though after a few moments it came out that this was more by process of elimination - he liked one of my earlier ones better, but agreed that the winner of that earlier round was better still. I didn't take offense.

Then I gave one of the birds a ride, carrying him around on my back until I got tired.

I think Baconbots was the judge. Inspiration was present and participating. Kitoba called on a cell phone to say he'd be late, but the dream ended before he showed up. Thyla and Wile E were also there, doing other things, though not prominent in the dream. I was wondering if Duke Leto would show up, since we were practically in his back yard, but he didn't.

I had a dream that I was an affable villain who long since lost his battle against his heroic arch-enemy and decided to reform himself by acting as a starter villain for newly created superheroes to test their mettle against. I'd stage fake bank robberies where my hostages were all volunteers and the heroes would fight me in mock battle in an attempt to free them from their "bondage". I'd also do children's birthday parties, where I'd attempt to "harness the energy of the birthday spirit" in order to fuel my doomsday device, and the heroes would burst in during the birthday song and capture me. I'd then shout out "Curses! Foiled again!" while being handcuffed by the birthday boy/girl. Then the heroes and I would all share some pizza and I'd spend the rest of the party dragging a chair behind me by the wrist. Because apparently that's my super secret weakness.

That second part actually sounds like a pretty good idea for a business, hmmm...

Two of my friends have had babies in the last few months, so the night before I had a nightmare about being pregnant and going into labour. For some reason the ambulance EMTs were really uncooperative and I had to walk to the hospital myself, dribbling water and blood all the way. And then I gave birth to a deformed baby that looked like a cross between a pug and a foreskin.

Welp. Sterility for me, then!

Isn't that most babies?

There is wide variation.

All babies come out kind of ugly unless you're the parent; then it's one of the most beautiful things you've ever laid eyes on. I once went to visit some friends just minutes after their baby boy was born. It was a tough delivery and the kid came out all bruised and swollen, and like most babies, rather cone-headed from the pressure. They were falling over themselves with how cute the kid was, while I was trying to avoid grimacing. He did get cuter once he healed up a bit, though.

Being fully aware of all of this, I still can't help but maintain my clearly biased opinion that my babies were among the most beautiful. It helped that both births were quite rapid, so the cone-head thing didn't really happen to them.