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 Post Posted: Thu Feb 18, 2016 3:29 am 
Gatekeeper of Niftiness
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Joined: Sat Feb 09, 2008 12:16 am
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Location: Praise be to the sticky elastic bands of the Healing Gauze
Alright so I'm a super hero. I've got the ability to control bugs en masse and I'm fighting against super villains trying to take over after the end of the world sent us all back to the caves. I get ambushed and my super powered uncle is kidnapped by my enemies while I'm forced to hide in a cave holding a slab of meat for some reason. I fall asleep on top of the slab of meat and wake up, only now the world hasn't ended and I don't have bug powers anymore. Instead I've got the super strength and super invulnerability like Superman, but instead of flight I have super speed.

Great, I can't fly but I'm strong and invulnerable so I get around by running along the ground for momentum before jumping as hard as I can and flying through the air like the Incredible Hulk. Also the world hasn't actually ended yet. I'm out on patrol but I only have enough time to visit the strange cat lady with the man/goat hybrid in the room under her porch to see if there's any trouble before I realize that I'm losing my powers. Luckily I see a billboard aimed at super heroes who are losing their powers and you can go to the mall to get a super power booster shot. I go there and run past a bunch of Star Wars cosplayers on their way to a Star Wars themed ride that just opened up. They think I'm there for that, because for some reason my costume makes me look like Kylo Ren, but without the helmet. Someone I knew from high school was there dressed as Darth Vader and was holding three lightsabers (somehow) so he gave me an extra one. We hop on the ride and I end up sitting next to a cute girl. I'm working up the courage to talk to her when the ride starts and sends us all back in time to the 1930's. Also there's a Pepsi Machine and one of those old Star Wars arcade machines stuck to the side of the ride. They come back in time with us. That's the point my alarm went off.

Whew, that was an odd one.

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 Post Posted: Mon Feb 22, 2016 7:47 am 
Member of the Fraternal Order of the Emergency Pants
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Joined: Mon Feb 18, 2002 12:00 am
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Location: Philadelphia, PA
I was taking a tour around 'Chicago', which was next to a rather smaller lake than usual (still a decent size) and also contained the CN tower in addition to all the usual things. The tour was a boat tour after a while. The tour guide pointed out a bunch of really bizarre buildings along the shore of the lake that doesn't exist in real life. I kinda recognized most of them as being from Babar's Fair, and said so - were they the inspiration for the book, or vice versa?

Before that could be resolved, the boat had some navigational mishaps because the tour guide refused to face the direction we were moving, so I had to get up in the bow and frantically tell him to turn right (not starboard, but he didn't get things mixed up) while he tended to drift towards the walk along the shore.

After we disembarked, I went to a public library to find Babar's Fair to check the publication date. After finding a few aisles of non-library-related things like baby food, I found regular stacks. I also found a pr0n room. Right next to the front door, with no door itself, and clear glass to the outside. I was distracted from the search for the book by this and also by the fact that no one was either interested or protesting.

I set out to return home, and rather than go along the now rather chilly city streets, opted to take a peculiar skyway which was composed of hundreds of families' kitchens and dining rooms and living rooms all in a row. These families liked having strangers bustling along a carefully-controlled part of their homes. One mother admonished me that I'd get cold dressed like that, but I asserted I had my (real) warm gloves and two sweatshirts wouldn't be so bad and I didn't have to go far.

Out the other side, I remembered that today was the release day for a major Sluggy event. See, the Friday comic, instead of Riff staking Minion Master, was Riff appearing with a perfectly-well-foreshadowed undead-restoring-to-full-life relic and unleashing it on him.

To get the full experience, however, you needed to retrieve a sealed packet of halva (think 'flaky pistachio marzipan') which had been dropped into the ocean in various places so they would float to shore. Embedded in the halva is some perfectly ordinary way of projecting images to the people holding the packet. What's a little more extraordinary is that if you eat it, you get a multi-media vision. Some pranksters had interspersed among the real packets messed-up packets that begin right, but then went on to display shock sites (no one was stupid enough to eat one). I got punked by one, and my wife (suddenly present) complained.

So I went to someone who was selling legitimate copies they had fished out of the water, off a fold-up table at waters' edge. It turns out there are three versions - angelic, diabolical, and human. I skip the diabolical one. However, I have a friend nearby who is only interested in that one. But it turns out that he's actually not my friend, he's Minion Master, and this is how he purges himself of the Vampirism.

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