Ever wondered what Hollywood blockbusters would sound like if they had been written by Shakespeare? The first poster should name a movie. The next poster should rewrite a line from that movie in mock-Shakespearian English. Bonus points for actual Shakespeare references. Super bonus points for iambic pentameter. And then name another movie for the next poster.

Warning: If Ngau finds any of these sufficiently hilarious, he may feel compelled to film them for YouTube. (But he'll give credit where credit is due, of course).

Example:
Poster 1: Snakes on a plane
Poster 2: I bite my thumb at these fornicating snakes on this fornicating winged craft! How I weary of them!

Next movie: Speed

Keanu Reeves: Whoa...
Keanu Reevespeare : What doth mine eyes before me see? Oh My!


Airplaine!

P.S. this is very fun... I like the new game Kea.

---EDIT---
In response to the post following this one... I read it... took a drink of coke... Realized the play on words of Verily and Valarie... and snarfed the entire gulp over my monitor....

"Verily, I had pickethed the most ill-favored date upon all yonder calendar to cease my quaffing of mead."

"Thou hast spoken truth. But refrain from calling me 'Valerie'"

Casablanca

Oh how I wish that thou wouldst play it, Sam.
Thou didst play it for her, now play for me.

Die Hard

(I claim my Super Bonus Points!)

Tra-la, thou crusty botch of nature!

Taken from: Troilus and Cressida

The Muppet Movie.

Pardon, good sir, couldest thou help me
I seem to have lost my sense of direction

Get thee to a nunn'ry!

well, I thought it was funny...

Next movie: The Goonies

"HARK, THOU FELLOOOOWS~!"

How about Ghostbusters?

An it doth happen again, that thou art asked if thou art a divinity, thou shouldst affirm, YEA, VERILY!

Next movie: 2001.

--tll

Alas, poor Langley! I knew him, David: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: He didst teach me a pretty scrap of a nursery rhyme. Shall then I quote it for you?

Daisy, Daisy
Give me thine answer, or els't I'll be
Half driven mad, enamored by thee.

Star Wars

Greedo: Doest thou leave this place, Solo?
Han Solo: Yea, verily, most noble Greedo. I travel now to visit thy patron. Prithee, tell Jabba that at long last I have that for which I am beholden to him.
Greedo: Nay, the hour is now past. Thou shouldest have made thy compensation to him at thy first opportunity. Now, the reward which Jabba hath placed upon thy brow be so exceedingly great, there be not one corsair amongst yonder stars that doth not search for thee. Truly fortune doth smile upon me that I am first to behold thy visage.
Han Solo: Verily, but upon this occasion I possess the moneys.
Greedo: If thou wouldst bestow them upon me, perchance I may not recall this august occasion.
Han Solo: Nay, I carry them not. Prithee, tell Jabba...
Greedo: Thou doest weary Jabba. No longer doth he deign to employ a mercenary who, upon spying the colors of the Empire upon yonder mast, doth he expel the cargo into the depths.
Han Solo: Forsooth, at seasons even one such as myself must submit to inquest. Doest thou imagine that I submit freely?
Greedo: Thou mayest weave thy tale before Jabba. Perchance he may purloin thy vessel only.
Han Solo: I shall shuffle off this mortal coil before he so doeth!
Greedo: Such be his desire... Many a season have I awaited this, thy moment of discontent.
Han Solo: Verily, thou hast.
[Han sticketh a dagger in Greedo's breast. He casteth a coin at the inkeeeper.]
Han Solo: I crave thy pardon for yonder disarray.

The Karate Kid

"First thou must apply thy wax with the one hand thusly. But lo the act tis not done! Thou must remove thy wax with thy other hand and dutily repeat as such."

Anybody want to take a shot at "The Dark Knight"?

Rachel : Cease the tormenting of our Court!

The Jester: Good day fair maiden... Thu must be Lord Harvey's Consort... Thou art the visage of beauty.
Thou Seem Skittish.. Be it my disfigurement? Dost thou wish to hear the tale behind them?

Gaze upon my visage! I once hath a wife... fair, like thou. She says I overly fret. Says I should grin more. She became indebted to Usurers... They slashed her face. We hath no coin to pay for a chiurgeon. She became increasingly distressed. I only wished to gaze upon her happy visage once again. I stuck a blade into my mouth and disfigure myself. She was horrified at MY Visage! She Took flight! Now, I see the humour of things... Now.. I am always grinning!

alternatively


The Jester: Dost thou wish to hear the tale behind my disfigurement? My Father... was a drunk... and a fiend. One eve, he lost his comportment more than before... Mother retrieved a blade from the hearth to fend off my father. He did not tolerate her actions... Not... One... Bit... Thus did he wrest the blade from my mother and run her through. He comes after me with the blade... he intones. "Why doth thou comport thyself in such a grim manner?" Places the blade upon my tongue.. and intones.. "let us place the humor upon thy visage..."

and... "why doth thou comport thyself in such a grim manner?"


up next: Real Genius

But, soft! what light through yonder grid arrays?
It is aligned, and fair powerful as the sun.
Arise, super-cooled focus, and kill the envious prof,
Who is already sick and pale with ambition,
that thou, a fool, art far more learned than he:
Be not a Government tool, since he is envious;
The scent of popping corn shall cast him sick and green...




How 'bout "Dumb and Dumber?"

Hast though any desire that I should molest thine ears with such a sound as would wreak misery upon any of the world that doth hear it? Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Who wants to try "Borat"?

Behold, a maiden in a carriage! Shall we make haste and fornicate with her?

Let's try 28 Days Later