Sacretio: Generic Tavern Scene!

[Skitzophrenik]

"Yeah, ok man. Do I look alright?"

Killthrust looks awful.

[weatherwax]

Elaine leads the Orc-dudes from her shop, and locks up. She looks up at Killthrust's question with a blank look.

"Yeah, er. Hmmm."

She saunters off down the street.

[FreakyBoy]

"You look like crap, man," Bruce replies, ruffling Killthrust's hair even more. "Good thing Smaug's has a trough outside."

[Stan Cold]

At the Smaug's Horde...
Ron (a young looking wizard who keeps smiling sporadically) sits behind a table cluttered with papers. On the other side of the table stands an older and rather intimidating wizard.

"Sir Aaron, he who was called the Seer of Justice and Destroyer of Evil. I've listened to your proposal and gone over your papers. There is now something I have to tell you. You are total ☠☠☠☠."

The wizard gives a confused look at Ron. "...What?"

"No. Really. You're ☠☠☠☠. You're turning away from me. I am speaking to you and you are turning away from me. This is the kind of ☠☠☠☠ I was talking about."

"The Seer of Justice must not cry," murmurs Aaron through a few tears.

"See what I mean? Complete and utter ☠☠☠☠. Next!"

[Skitzophrenik]

Killthrust dunks his head, and runs his fingers through his long hair. It doesn't really help. He stumbles inside, looks at the guys at the table, bypasses them entirely, and goes to the bar.

[weatherwax]

Elaine watches Killthrust plunk himself at the bar.

"Smaug!" she calls, pointing at Killthrust. "He'll take something hard!"

She glances at the table holding Ron, and does a double take, elbowing Bruce.

"Oy, Brucie, front row show!" she says with a grin. "Smaug! I'll take something sweet."

[FreakyBoy]

Bruce adds to the order, "Just something. And leave the bottle!" He then grabs a chair from a nearby table, plops it down next to Ron, and takes a seat. He bellows, "You heard the boy. Next!"

[Stan Cold]

Elaine watches Killthrust plunk himself at the bar.

"Smaug!" she calls, pointing at Killthrust. "He'll take something hard!"

She glances at the table holding Ron, and does a double take, elbowing Bruce.

"Oy, Brucie, front row show!" she says with a grin. "Smaug! I'll take something sweet."

Smaug hands Killthrust something strong and Elaine something sweet. "Y'know, when I was working the brothel last night, someone ordered the exact same thing. Verbatim." He chuckles as he cleans a glass.

Bruce adds to the order, "Just something. And leave the bottle!" He then grabs a chair from a nearby table, plops it down next to Ron, and takes a seat. He bellows, "You heard the boy. Next!"

"Ugh, recruiting for the prince. Not the greatest job, but it beats the census." You realize that you recognize the voice from your head while you were filling out the census.

A farm boy walks up to the table. Blonde and hero material. Ron pulls a piece of paper out of thin air.

"Luke. Says here you're a moisture farmer. What the hell is that?"

"Well-"

"No. Nevermind. It has moist in the name. You're life's story is boring, but take solace in the fact that it's better than your dark wizard father's life, which is such complete ☠☠☠☠ that I know someone who is rewriting it."

The boy huffs off.

"Seriously! A knighted wizard and a farm boy have failed to be hero material. I'm thinking about just asking Smaug over there. He's a bartender and a pimp. That's pure antihero material." Smaug drops the glass. He tries to pick up the pieces. He cuts his thumb.

"Owowowowowowowowowowow!" He screams. He shows his thumb to Elaine as he looks away from it. "Is it bleeding?"

Ron sighs.

[weatherwax]

"Aw, poor baby!" Elaine's eyes glow a little, and she blows on the wound. It doesn't heal or anything, but if the spell worked, Smaug's been distracted by thoughts of scantily clad demonesses (or demons, per preference) in compromising positions.

"Succubus lessons from Mrs. Potts," Laney says, waggling her eyebrows at the ragged Killthrust. "Come in handy sometimes!"

[Skitzophrenik]

Killthrust mutters.

"This is lame, and stupid. Burce, we're... on hiatus, right?"

[Stan Cold]

Four dwarves walk on stage. "I'm Dean and this is Glitterkind." The music starts.

[FreakyBoy]

Bruce kicks back, clumping his big iron-shod warboots on Ron's table. "Stop yer caterwaulin' and get me my drink, Smaug. This entertainment ain't gonna improve itself." He then turns back to the crowd. "Next! And let's get a real hero this time."

[Stan Cold]

"Sorry Bruce!" Smaug yells, distractedly. He murmurs, "Demon women," and walks over to give Bruce his bottle.

At that moment, a leprechaun and three trolls walk into the bar. The punchline is Ron getting punched in the face.

"Colin, you creep! Did you honestly follow me all the way from Jotopia? I- OOF!" One of the trolls kicks Ron in the gut.

"Where's my money, Ron?"

"What, the gold that I had to get from an enraged frost giant?"

"I told you it was in a frozen, offshore account."

"Well, you forgot to mention it also wasn't yours. You stole it, lost it to a frost giant, I got it back and then got arrested. The kingdom of who gives a damn has it now. I swear, you are the worst crime lord ever." Another kick to the gut. Ron looks up. "A little help? Anyone?"

[FreakyBoy]

"It's not a show unless you fight back," complains Bruce.

He watches Ron get pummelled a bit, then tips back the bottle to take a chug. A second later, he spits it all back out, and tosses the bottle in the general direction of one of the trolls. "I meant something ALCOHOLIC, Smaug!" He pushes over the table while getting to his feet - but carefully takes the time to unsling the lute and put it down near Elaine before cracking his knuckles.

"I hate it when I'm not drunk. One of you guys is going to pay." And he proceeds to charge into the trolls, shoulder-spikes first.

[weatherwax]

"FANtastic." Elaine says, taking in the scene. She picks up the lute. "No one hurt you, did they baby?" she coos. "Let's see what you can do without an amp."

She slings the lute over her shoulder, and fingers a complicated little melody that is strangely silent, not even the sound of plucking. She glows red, and her hair raises slightly. Darkness and nightmares should descend upon the trolls. 'Course, it's been a while since she's done combat luting. She's a little rusty.