With all the mayhem going on, not many notice that the corpse has stiffly sat up. It jerkily moves it's head around at all the action going on. It proceeds to say with some difficulty -due to being undead perhaps or just waking up- "Whhaaassss aallll the raaaaackkkkkeeeeeeet? Zzzzzsssss...kkkkkrrrrrr...." It tries to clear its throat. *HAARK* *GLARKKK* *WAAALAAARRKK* maybe... *caCKKK* *pa-splat* It appears to have cleared its...well, it looks like it coughed up it's heart.
"Ah yes," it says. "I have to say, that is much better. I can now speak very eloquen-- HAAGH!" Maybe not... It appears to have lost part of its tongue. That will make speaking a tad more difficult I suspect. "Glaahh daahhhmmeettt!"
Stan Cold has not moved. It is not because he is scared, nor is it that he knows GH is a horrible shot. It is because, he is Stan Cold. What more is there to say?
He does notice that 'dear ole dad' appears to be and zombie. He sighs. He knows that this is now going to make him late for his balloon. Reluctantly he pulls out --from where in the hell did he stash that thi...um sorry, I'll try and stay focused here-- pulls out his quad-barreled automatic shotgun. He points in the direction when the the corpse of Sluggy.net look right at him.
"Yaaahh loooook fraamillllar..." A slight smile begins to form on Stan's face as he lowers the shotgun. "Ahhh, yaahhh one ovvvv myyyy basssssttttarreeerddds aintt yaa?"
Suddenly as Stan's smile drops and the gun goes up, Sluggy.net leaps out of the coffin with much more speed than you would expect --but I know because I...AHH darn it!-- it ah...jumped. Oh right! LEAPS out of the coffin at blazing speed, much, much, faster than a rotting corpse would normally move. Even faster than Stan can track as it lands behind a pew. Deciding he probably should move, he moves to where he can see it.
He aims and prepares to fire when the corpse grabs a woman hiding on the floor and puts her between them as a shield. But Sluggy.net is not using her as a shield. She's a meal.
Opening its mouth wide, large fangs can be seen as it bites into her neck and begins to suck her blood out. That is not something a zombie would do. But a vampire would.
Stan quickly puts his shotgun away and brings out his trusty crossbow with an ironwood bolt that has been soaked in garlic holy water for three months. He aims for the heart as Sluggy throws the victim to the side, but once again he pauses.
It doesn't have a heart. It drinks blood, but it is rotting. Vampires don't rot, zombies don't drink blood... So... it's a zompire.
That is so incredibly rare, that Stan can't remember how to kill it, or if.
Suddenly it is night and --Hey I'm the narrator, and if I say it's night, it's night damn it!-- and then the light of the full moon streams through the windows. Sluggy starts howling as hair begins growing out of the putrid flesh.
Acting on instinct, Stan pulls out his silver plated katana --Oh come on! Where's he keep all this stuff?! ...um-- pulls out the katana and is going to jump over to cut the...werezompire? Instead, two metal gauntlets land heavily on both of his shoulders. Each hand is attached to a separate two and a half meter tall exo-armor powered suit.
His 'legal troubles' seem to have found him.
Stan drops the katana and reaches for --oh hell, I give up...