Flash Fiction

[chaosman]

"Here comes the heat!" he screamed and charged around the corner, guns blazing. His enemies toppled like ten-pins. One kill, two kills...ten kills. No one could stand against him. All the training and practicing for this...his moment. A frag grenade tossed this way, a claymore set up that way and he was off in another direction. Everything was going his way until the message flashed on his screen. YOU HAVE BEEN KICKED FROM THE GAME. "Sore losers" he complained as he shut off his X-BOX 360. "That's why I don't like to play online. The computer players don't wuss out when I am winning."

[inspiration]

balthazar: I liked the richness of the description, and the hints of the larger world that were revealed through the snippet we saw. It was a little exposition heavy, and there was some tense switching towards the end. A vivid submission!

kitoba: Oh, man, this idea is so intriguing! It definitely captured my attention. My one hesitation is that it's not clear who the narrator is (whether a person who experienced Heat, a disembodied "history book" voice, etc.) I'd love to read a longer story based around this idea.

AlternateTorg: Ha, I liked this! It had a nice arc with a satisfying ending. I would maybe have liked the reveal of the gun's name to be a little more happenstance instead of the preacher deliberately showing it; that felt a little "cutesy."

drachefly: Extremely intriguing, but I feel like I didn't quite get what it was hinting at. That could be me being dense as a reader, of course. I liked what I understood of it.

Edguy: Thanks for the musical interlude!

chaosman: A fun idea for a Tomato Surprise; you could have made it a little longer and put more description into the battlefield descriptions if you really wanted to draw us in.

---

And the winner is ... AlternateTorg!

[drachefly]

drachefly: Extremely intriguing, but I feel like I didn't quite get what it was hinting at. That could be me being dense as a reader, of course. I liked what I understood of it.

The 'heat' was the random motions of these people in their lives. The emotional connection implication was there to make it at least have something to it as a story - that's all.

[balthazar]

balthazar: I liked the richness of the description, and the hints of the larger world that were revealed through the snippet we saw. It was a little exposition heavy, and there was some tense switching towards the end. A vivid submission!

A little secret: a great deal of the description in my entry comes from real life, namely Los Cabos, Mexico on a Friday night. There had been a rare thunder storm pass through earlier in the day, and at about one in the morning, I went on the prowl for a burger, and what you read is what I experienced. I did do some embellishing, but only a little. There were no shrieking women in need of rescue when I went out for example, and to the best of my knowledge I am not a cyborg (yet), but most of it is true all the same.

I'm glad you liked it, and if a little excess exposition and tense switching is the worst of it, then I am content, since I didn't edit before I posted. A mistake I will not make again.

[kitoba]

@bathalzar

I really liked yours a lot. It really gave a sense of the character in a few short lines.

Actually, I didn't have any ideas for this round until after I read yours. Not that mine was directly influenced by yours, but the creativity you brought to the prompt jump-started my imagination.

[AlternateTorg]

I'm not a huge gun enthusiast, but when I heard you use the term "heat," the first two thoughts that came to mind were "anger" and "packing heat." The rest followed naturally.

For the next round, your entry should take the form of a letter, one or more entries in a journal or blog, or something similar. In reading it, we should learn that Something Bad Happened. It could be as simple and intimate as someone sharing some bad news with a friend, all the way up to an Apocalyptic Log.

Go!

[kitoba]

June 8th

I'm really excited to have a brand new diary! Blank pages are the best. The only crazy thing is even though I just bought this yesterday at the store, it looks like someone has already filled up the first few pages. I guess I could read their entries and see what they were thinking, but that just seems kind of wrong. I'm not the kind of person to snoop in some stranger's business.

I'm also super excited to go out bike riding later. The only bad thing is that I lost my helmet somewhere. Oh well, it's not like I'm going to be doing anything dangerous. Will write more later.

June 9th

So excited to have a brand new diary! Blank pages are the best! The only crazy thing is...

[Steave]

Dec 30

It's great to be home after visiting the family for Christmas. Everyone had fun and we somehow managed to avoid the usual drunken squabbles. Life is pretty damn good. I think next year is going to be my year. Tomorrow I will say goodbye to this lousy year.

...

...

March 15

I can't believe I managed to find my diary amongst the mess. It's good to just do something normal for a change. I remember thinking that last year was a bad year but to end the way it did. I used to call them crazy but they were right all along. I guess this year isn't going to be my year after all. Then again 2013 isn't going to be good for anyone.

[Edguy]

...

Day 6:
While the trip has gone great so far, I am starting to get some bad feelings.
Probably just nothing, though.

Day 7:
After discovering that our supplies are draining faster than expected,
the mood is getting tense. Anyways, there's just a few days left, so we should be fine.

Day 8:
God, sometime in the night, Joey and Sue disappeared. Nobody heard anything.
Their tent is ripped in two, but nothing else in the camp is touched, as far as we can tell.

Day 9:
Damn; they took our cellphones! How could we not notice?

Day 10:
I fear this might be my last entry. Things have gone in the general direction of hell,
ever since we started this cursed trip. An now.. now we're out of toilet paper!

[inspiration]

Happy anniversary, buddy.

They've finally torn down the wreckage of the lab and turned the whole site into a cleaned-up beachfront park. Lots of tasteful memorial plaques and family picnic areas. You'd love it. You'd love how much I hate it.

I still say going in to that fight was a mistake. Doctor Supernova had bigger fish to fry than me. So what if he had a supertanker full of liquid that could vaporize my indestructible self on contact. It was a mistake.

I'm drunk again, now. Not good safe aged wine; some cheap factory gin crap. I know I shouldn't be risking it. You'd side-eye the liquid and say something like "Eighty proof still leaves twenty percent unproven" and I'd tell you that doesn't add up.

They still think the spill was just regular factory chemicals. Even the president doesn't know. They got almost all of it cleaned up. Nearly the whole supertanker full, locked up tight and disposed of with all the forms in triplicate and ducks in a row. But of course some of it's still out there in the water. It's not enough for me to just to stay away from the beach. It could be anywhere. Professor has me drinking and bathing in nothing but purified ionized filtered water from his lab.

I read that way back in the 20th century, every soldier had a bullet with his name on it. If he made it through every battle without it finding him, he got to go home from the war intact. It's funny to think that I have a bullet now. In the pipelines. In the clouds. In the dew on the grass over your grave.

Would you believe me if I said that's why I haven't visited?

[CCC]

Dear Julia

Please forgive the briefness of this message, as I write it in haste. I do not know how long I have, so let me get to the important part first:

I love you.

It's somewhat cliched, but I find myself doubting that such a surfeit of emotion from one person to another has yet been experienced. The fact that it is a cliche, however, gives me pause in my protestations of magnitude, though I do claim longevity of emotion unto and even beyond the mortal veil.

I have no idea if you will ever receive this message or not - and if by some unlikely chance you do, it will likely be years from now, when they've finished going through the wreckage with a fine-toothed comb. Be assured, however, that in my last moments my thoughts were entirely of you.

Do you recall that day (oh, how long ago three months appears now!) when we went on that picnic on your uncle's farm? I had told you some little joke, and you laughed - your head tilted back, your hair shining in the sunlight. That is the image that accompanies me in my final moments, Julia. That was, I believe, the very moment at which you were at your most bea-

[Dom/SlimKop]

MESSAGE ONE. MONDAY, JUNE FIFTEENTH, SIX FORTY EIGHT PM.

Meow? Maaaaaahhhhh-brrrrrrrowrow. Hssssssssssssss.

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhssssssssCLICK

MESSAGE TWO. MONDAY, JUNE FIFTEENTH, SIX FIFTY TWO PM.

Maaaaaooooow!

THUNKshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhssssssssCLICK

MESSAGE THREE. MONDAY, JUNE FIFTEENTH, SEVEN OH TWO PM.

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhssssssssCLICK

THERE ARE NO MORE MESSAGES.

[kitoba]

How bout some judge-y goodness?

[chaosman]

Received April 23, 2032 jon.bradford4359684@earthcommand.gov.net

Hey Sexy,
Just a quick note to say Love ya!
Training is going well and I am 42nd in my class. Not bad in a class of about 1100. We started with almost 2000 but not everyone can cut it. Gotta go. If I make it to the top 30 I will get leave after graduation before being shipped out. Wish me luck.
All my love, Jon.


Received May 9, 2032 jon.bradford4359684@earthcommand.gov.net

Hey Sexy,
Love you. Working hard and moving up the rankings. Still not in the top 30 but trying. Missing you terribly. I am confident I will do well when I ship out though. Hope I get to see you before I leave.
All my love, Jon.


Received June 19, 2032 jon.bradford4359684@earthcommand.gov.net

Hey Sexy,
Love you. This equipment is fantastic. The other day I got to [REDACTED/CENSORED] and I was top in the class. That should help in the rankings. They don't let us hear any of the war news but the rumors say [REDACTED/CENSORED]. Still feeling confident and I am ranked 34 so get ready for a visit. Only a couple guys ahead of me and I am kicking ass.
All my love, Jon.


Received July 1, 2032 jon.bradford4359684@earthcommand.gov.net

Hey Sexy,
Training's done. Graduated! Final rankings are in and I made it to 31. Sorry Babe. I soooo wanted to see you and hold you in my arms. Turns out it wouldn't have mattered. They didn't give anyone leave. Still missing you terribly but I am getting pumped about shipping out. We are bad mofos and the equipment is the best. Can't wait to kick some ass and come home to you. Gotta go. A movement alert just came in.
All my love, Jon.

Received July 5, 2032 from alice.patel@earthcommand.gov.net

Mr. Bradford. I regret to inform you that your husband was killed in the line of duty on July 4, 2032 During Operation Independence. I was his commanding officer and I was proud to serve with him even for the short amount of time he was assigned to me. His actions before his death were instrumental in holding back the enemy and allowing the retreat to succeed. He saved many lives including mine. I have put him in for a posthumous Medal of Valor. It must be small comfort to you right now but you have my gratitude as well as the gratitude of a good many troopers who are alive because of him. You should be proud of your husband.
My sincere condolences,
Captain Alice Patel

[AlternateTorg]

I'll try to find some time to do some judging tonight or tomorrow.